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Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代

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發表  Sam headoff 周四 7月 02, 2009 9:10 am

這好像是一部探討宗教的紀錄片。
睇此紀錄片, 要捱過前十分鐘, 前面有d 發勞騷, 危言聳聽, 你以為此片探討宗教問題, 其實不然, 第二部又突然研究911的來龍去脈; 第三部 才揭開 魔鬼的真面目。
我們今時今日這一套生活並非必然的。一個想法可以改變世界。
本片長度兩小時, 但是我反覆重看咀嚼每個畫面、每字每句,足足看了四個多小時。

Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Zeitgeist2
Zeitgeist [zait,gaist] 的意思
字源 來自德文, Zeit是指時間; geist 是指 精神;加起來,中文翻多以"時代精神"和"時代思潮"為主。
而精神和思潮所涵蓋領域很廣泛,包活 智識、文化、倫理、地緣政治,以及一個年代的道德標準等等; 還會涉及這些思潮的趨向。


Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Zeitgeist-dZeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 20081028-Zeitgeist
<<<<<第一集Zeitgeist, The Movie(有中文字幕)>>>>>


<<<<<第二集 Zeitgeist Addendum 附錄>>>>>

<<<<<The Zeitgeist Movement: Orientation Presentation>>>>> 1h30mins

zeitgeist 官網

Zeitgeist, The Movie 介紹

這片令我想起了<憤怒的葡萄>對銀行的描述:
The bank is something more than men, I tell you. It's the monster. Men made it, but they can't control it.
They breathe profits; they eat the interest on money. If they don't get it, they die the way you die without air, without side-meat.

也令我想起尼采對國家的一翻議論:
Somewhere there are still peoples and herds, but not where we live, my brothers: here there are states. State? What is that? Well then, open your ears to me, for now I shall speak to you about the death of peoples.
State is the name of the coldest of all cold monsters. Coldly it tells lies too; and this lie crawls out of its mouth: I, the state, am the people. That is a lie! It was creators who created peoples and hung a faith and a love over them: thus they served life.
It is annihilators who set traps for the many and call them state: they hang a sword and a hundred appetites over them.
Where there is still a people, it does not understand the state and hates it as the evil eye and the sin against customs and rights.
This sign I give you: every people speaks its tongue of good and evil, which the neighbor does not understand. It has invented its own language of customs and rights. But the state tells lies in all the tongues of good and evil; and whatever it says it lies—and whatever it has it has stolen. Everything about it is false; it bites with stolen teeth, and bites easily. Even its entrails are false. Confusion of tongues of good and evil: this sign I give you as the sign of the state. Verily, this sign signifies the will to death. Verily, it beckons to the preachers of death.

我想此片必然會對我們當中大部份人產生影響力, 使我們對現今世界抱有懷疑, 但是作為一個理性的人, 首先是對證言抱有懷疑。


Sam headoff 在 周一 五月 31, 2010 12:19 am 作了第 40 次修改
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Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Empty part 1 黃道由雙魚年代走向水瓶年代需時2150年的原因

發表  Sam headoff 周四 7月 02, 2009 2:36 pm

Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Solstice_equinox-browse

那是因為地球受宇宙各方引力影響(主要來自太陽、月球、地球潮汐本身和極移)而產生地軸偏移(學術用語叫 章動), 天文學稱這一現象為 分點歲差 precession of the equinoxes (其他參考資料) 其他參考資料; equinoxes是指黃道對赤道的交角,也就春分點和秋分點的交角。這一現象最為明顯的例子是極星會隨著地軸的進動而由其他星代替。

在片提到2150年,根據最新近的計算最近似的值應該是2147.6~2147.083年,而這個值並不是 常數, 會隨著太陽引力、地球潮汐、月球對地球的距離改變, 以目前的推算歲差應該會持續增加, 最大值可以達到4083年左右, 歷時需20-25億年。
2150年為一個星座年代 Astrological age, 12個星座年代為一大年 great year, 大概是25,765年。

Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Sunpath2
圖為夏至、冬至和分點 太陽在北半球天空的軌跡。

Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Precession
圖為極星因歲差 而轉換
-----------
另外, 歲差還會影響到地球天氣, 有一個理論叫 Milankovitch cycles 米蘭科維奇循環, 而這個循環最顯著的表象是冰河時期和間冰期的循環, 分點歲差只是其中一種因素, 而地球環繞太陽軌道歲差也是另一個重要影響因素。
-----------
近幾年好多人談論2012年世界未日, 其實是瑪雅人的曆法對歲差表述, 詳細參考 The Actual Astronomy of 2012 and the



Sam headoff 在 周日 9月 19, 2010 6:29 pm 作了第 24 次修改
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Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Empty 本片引述Charles Lindbergh 的一些話 拼成一段話

發表  Sam headoff 周四 7月 02, 2009 11:07 pm

Charles Lindbergh 是世界第一個以飛機不著陸橫渡大西洋的人; 有證據顯示這個人和納粹黨很有關係。

很明顯本片從Lindbergh一段非常的講話剪輯出來,而先後順序不一,我相信跟他本人當時所說的意思一定有所出入,紅色字是本片播出的講話,可以講導演是高手, 節錄如下:

The Jewish
The second major group I mentioned is the Jewish.

It is not difficult to understand why Jewish people desire the overthrow of Nazi Germany. The persecution they suffered in Germany would be sufficient to make bitter enemies of any race.

No person with a sense of the dignity of mankind can condone the persecution of the Jewish race in Germany. But no person of honesty and vision can look on their pro-war policy here today without seeing the dangers involved in such a policy both for us and for them. Instead of agitating for war, the Jewish groups in this country should be opposing it in every possible way for they will be among the first to feel its consequences.

Tolerance is a virtue that depends upon peace and strength. History shows that it cannot survive war and devastations. A few far-sighted Jewish people realize this and stand opposed to intervention. But the majority still do not.

Their greatest danger to this country lies in their large ownership and influence in our motion pictures, our press, our radio and our government.

I am not attacking either the Jewish or the British people. Both races, I admire. But I am saying that the leaders of both the British and the Jewish races, for reasons which are as understandable from their viewpoint as they are inadvisable from ours, for reasons which are not American, wish to involve us in the war.

We cannot blame them for looking out for what they believe to be their own interests, but we also must look out for ours. We cannot allow the natural passions and prejudices of other peoples to lead our country to destruction.
----------------------------------
The Roosevelt Administration
The Roosevelt administration is the third powerful group which has been carrying this country toward war. Its members have used the war emergency to obtain a third presidential term for the first time in American history. They have used the war to add unlimited billions to a debt which was already the highest we have ever known. And they have just used the war to justify the restriction of Congressional power, and the assumption of dictatorial procedures on the part of the President and his appointees.
The power of the Roosevelt administration depends upon the maintenance of a wartime emergency. The prestige of the Roosevelt administration depends upon the success of Great Britain to whom the president attached his political future at a time when most people thought that England and France would easily win the war. The danger of the Roosevelt administration lies in its subterfuge. While its members have promised us peace, they have led us to war heedless of the platform upon which they were elected.

In selecting these three groups as the major agitators for war, I have included only those whose support is essential to the war party. If any one of these groups -- the British, the Jewish, or the Administration -- stops agitating for war, I believe there will be little danger of our involvement.

I do not believe that any two of them are powerful enough to carry this country to war without the support of the third. And to these three, as I have said, all other war groups are of secondary importance.

----------------------------------
Propaganda and Subterfuge
When hostilities commenced in Europe, in 1939, it was realized by these groups that the American people had no intention of entering the war. They knew it would be worse than useless to ask us for a declaration of war at that time. But they believed that this country could be entered into the war in very much the same way we were entered into the last one.

They planned: first, to prepare the United States for foreign war under the guise of American defense; second, to involve us in the war, step by step, without our realization; third, to create a series of incidents which would force us into the actual conflict. These plans were of course, to be covered and assisted by the full power of their propaganda.

Our theaters soon became filled with plays portraying the glory of war. Newsreels lost all semblance of objectivity. Newspapers and magazines began to lose advertising if they carried anti-war articles. A smear campaign was instituted against individuals who opposed intervention. The terms "fifth columnist," "traitor," "Nazi," "anti-Semitic" were thrown ceaselessly at any one who dared to suggest that it was not to the best interests of the United States to enter the war. Men lost their jobs if they were frankly anti-war. Many others dared no longer speak.

Before long, lecture halls that were open to the advocates of war were closed to speakers who opposed it. A fear campaign was inaugurated. We were told that aviation, which has held the British fleet off the continent of Europe, made America more vulnerable than ever before to invasion. Propaganda was in full swing.

There was no difficulty in obtaining billions of dollars for arms under the guise of defending America. Our people stood united on a program of defense. Congress passed appropriation after appropriation for guns and planes and battleships, with the approval of the overwhelming majority of our citizens. That a large portion of these appropriations was to be used to build arms for Europe, we did not learn until later. That was another step.

To use a specific example; in 1939, we were told that we should increase our Air Corps to a total of 5,000 planes. Congress passed the necessary legislation. A few months later, the administration told us that the United States should have at least 50,000 planes for our national safety. But almost as fast as fighting planes were turned out from our factories, they were sent abroad, although our own Air Corps was in the utmost need of new equipment; so that today, two years after the start of war, the American Army has a few hundred thoroughly modern bombers and fighters -- less in fact, than Germany is able to produce in a single month.

Ever since its inception, our arms program has been laid out for the purpose of carrying on the war in Europe, far more than for the purpose of building an adequate defense for America.

Now at the same time we were being prepared for a foreign war, it was necessary, as I have said, to involve us in the war. This was accomplished under that now famous phrase "steps short of war."

England and France would win if the United States would only repeal its arms embargo and sell munitions for cash, we were told. And then... began a refrain that marked every step we took toward war for many months -- "the best way to defend America and keep out of war", we were told, was "by aiding the Allies."

First, we agreed to sell arms to Europe; next, we agreed to loan arms to Europe; then we agreed to patrol the ocean for Europe; then we occupied a European island in the war zone. Now, we have reached the verge of war.

The war groups have succeeded in the first two of their three major steps into war. The greatest armament program in our history is under way. We have become involved in the war from practically every standpoint except actual shooting. Only the creation of sufficient "incidents" yet remains; and you see the first of these already taking place, according to plan... a plan that was never laid before the American people for their approval.


Charles Lindbergh Speech

Charles Lindbergh 官網


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Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Empty 美國成為世界的霸權還有 兩場戰爭 和 兩件事 必然一提

發表  Sam headoff 周五 7月 03, 2009 12:05 am

其實在一戰之前半個世紀左右, 美國發動了美墨戰爭 Mexican–American War, 打通東西岸; 五十年後, 即19世紀末, 又發動了美西戰爭 Spanish–American War, 從此確立美國在中美洲和太平洋的霸權。兩場戰爭誠如本片得出的結論, 都是美國借故發爛,還以正義之名公然掠奪。

兩件都在二戰之後, 其一是 馬歇爾計劃 Marshall Plan 由美國貸款給歐洲各國重建, 使她們使用並持有美元, 使美元在第一世界國家之間流通, 借此控制歐洲; 第二件事是布雷頓森林協定 Bretton Woods system 成立了國際貨幣基金組織和世界銀行, 擴大美元的影響力, 及對第三世界貸款從而迫使她們開放巿場; 更在70年代美國單方面決定使美元脫離金本位, 即美元從此只靠信用生產,可以不受節制地發行, 使美國成為世界最大的消費者。


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Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Empty Network 1976:I'M A HUMAN BEING, GOD DAMN IT !!! MY LIFE HAS VALUE !!!

發表  Sam headoff 周六 7月 04, 2009 9:14 am

在本片放映到一半時, 剪輯了一部 拍攝於1976年 名為<Network>的電影片段, 以下是相關連結。
Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Networkmovie

Network電影

Network介紹

在<時代精神>裡引用了Network的片段


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Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Empty Loose Change 911 --- 911的真相?

發表  Sam headoff 周日 7月 05, 2009 9:52 am

Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Loose_change_cover
Loose Change 911(中文字幕)

在Zeitgeist片part2 的片段多數來自這部紀錄片和證言也有較詳細的敍述。
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Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Empty 另一個 美國 對自己人的 驚天陰謀

發表  Sam headoff 周一 9月 07, 2009 2:46 am

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Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Empty George Carlin

發表  Sam headoff 周日 6月 06, 2010 7:31 pm

片頭無耐, 背景一直叫 bull shit... .... , but i love you ...... he always need money...... holy shit
以下是完整片段



片末提到 Humpty Dumpty其實係英國童謠:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

It's Bad for Ya! 68分鐘

全集 網頁

精華剪輯

the seven words 年青時的talk show


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Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Empty LIFE IS WORTH LOSING

發表  Sam headoff 周一 6月 07, 2010 2:41 pm



I’m a modern man
A man for the millennium
Digital and smoke-free
A diversified multi-cultural post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect
I’ve been up linked and downloaded
I’ve been inputted and outsourced
I know the upside of downsizing
I know the downside of upgrading

I’m a hi-tech low-life
A cutting edge state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker
And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond

I’m new-wave, but I’m old-school
And my inner child is outward bound

I’m a hot-wired heat seeking warm-hearted cool customer voice activated and bio-degradable
I interface with my database
My database is in cyberspace

So I’m interactive

I’m hyperactive
And from time to time I’m radioactive

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin' the wave, dodgin' the bullet and pushin' the envelope

I’m on-point on-task on-message and off drugs
I’ve got no need for coke and speed
I've got no urge to binge and purge

I’m in-the-moment on-the-edge over-the-top and under-the-radar
A high-concept low-profile medium-range ballistic missionary
A street-wise smart bomb
A top-gun bottom feeder
I wear power ties
I tell power lies
I take power naps and run victory laps

I’m a totally ongoing big-foot slam-dunk rainmaker with a pro-active outreach
A raging workaholic
A working rageaholic
Out of rehab and in denial!

I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda
You can’t shut me up
You can’t dumb me down

‘cuz I’m tireless and I’m wireless

I’m an alpha male on beta blockers

I’m a non-believer and an over-achiever laid-back but fashion-forward
Up-front down-home low-rent high-maintenance
Super-sized long-lasting high-definition fast-acting oven-ready and built-to-last

I’m a hands-on foot-loose knee-jerk head case
Prematurely post-traumatic
And I have a love child who sends me hate mail

But... I’m feeling
I’m caring
I’m healing
I’m sharing
A supportive bonding nurturing primary care-giver

My output is down and my income is up
I take a short position on the long bond
And my revenue stream has its own cash-flow

I read junk mail
I eat junk food
I buy junk bonds
And I watch trash sports

I’m gender specific capital intensive user-friendly and lactose intolerant

I like rough sex
I like tough love
I use the “F” word in my emails
And the software on my hard-drive is hardcore -- no soft porn

I bought a microwave in a mini-mall
I bought a minivan in a mega-store

I eat fast food in the slow lane

I’m toll-free byte-sized ready-to-wear
And I come in all sizes

A fully-equipped factory-authorized hospital-tested clinically-proven scientifically-formulated medical miracle

I’ve been pre-washed pre-cooked pre-heated pre-screened pre-approved pre-packaged post-dated freeze-dried double-wrapped vacuum-packed
and… I have an unlimited broadband capacity

I’m a rude dude
But I’m the real deal –-
Lean and mean
Cock-glocked and ready-to-rock
Rough tough and hard to bluff

I take it slow
I go with the flow
I ride with the tide
I’ve got glide in my stride
Drivin' and movin'
Sailin' and spinin'
Jivin' and groovin'
Wailin' and winnin'

I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose
I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road
I party hearty
And lunch time is crunch time

I’m hangin’ in
There ain’t no doubt
And I’m hangin’ tough
Over and out.
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Zeitgeist, The Movie --- 一個又一個被扭曲的時代 Empty Airline Announcements-George Carlin

發表  Sam headoff 周一 6月 07, 2010 3:57 pm



Something else we have in common: flying on the airlines, and listening to the airlines’ announcements,
and trying to pretend to ourselves that the language they’re using is really English. Doesn’t seem like
it to me. > > Whole thing starts when you get to the gate. First announcement: “We would like to begin
the boarding process.” Extra word, ‘process,’ not necessary, ‘boarding’ is enough. “We’d like to
begin the boarding.” Simple, tells the story. People add extra words when they want things to sound more
important than they really are. ‘Boarding process.’ Sounds important. It isn’t. It’s just a bunch of people
getting on an airplane. > > People like to sound important. Weathermen on television talk about ‘shower
activity.’ Sounds more important than ‘showers.’ I even heard one guy on CNN talk about a ‘rain event.’
Swear to God, he said, “Louisiana’s expecting a rain event,” I thought, “Holy shit, I hope I can get tickets
to that!” > > ‘Emergency situation.’ Newspeople like to say, “Police have responded to an emergency
situation.” No they haven’t. They’ve responded to an emergency. We know it’s a situation, everything
is a situation. > > Anyway, as part of this ‘boarding process,’ they say, “We would like to pre-board.”
Well, what exactly is that, anyway? What does it mean to ‘pre-board’, you get on before you get on? > >
That’s another complaint of mine: too much use of this prefix ‘pre-,’ it’s all over the language now,
‘pre-’ this, ‘pre-’ that. “Place the turkey in a pre-heated oven.” That’s ridiculous, there’s only
two states an oven can possibly exist in, heated or un-heated! ‘Pre-heated’ is a meaningless fucking term.
It’s like ‘pre-recorded,’ “this program was pre-recorded,” well of course it was pre-recorded, when
else are you gonna record it, afterwards? That’s the whole purpose of recording, to do it beforehand.
Otherwise, it doesn’t really work, does it? > > ‘Pre-existing,’ ‘pre-planning,’ ‘pre-screening.’
You know what I tell these people? “Pre-suck my genital situation!” And, they seem to understand what
I’m talking about. > > Anyway, as part of this ‘pre-boarding,’ they say, “We would like to pre-board
those passengers traveling with small children.” Well, what about those passengers traveling with large
children? Suppose you have a two-year-old with a pituitary disorder? You know, a six-foot infant with an
oversized head. The kinda kid you see in the National Enquirer all the time. Actually, with a kid like that I
think you’re better off checking him right in with your luggage at the curb, don’t you? Well, they like it
under there, it’s dark, they’re used to that. > > About this time, someone is telling you to get on the plane,
“get on the plane, get on the plane,” I say, “Fuck you, I’m getting in the plane! In the plane! Let
Evil Knievel get on the plane, I’ll be in here with you folks in uniform. There seems to be less wind in here!” > >
They might tell you you’re on a non-stop flight. Well, I don’t think I care for that. No, I insist that my flight stop!
Preferably at an airport! It’s those sudden, unscheduled cornfield and housing development stops that
seem to interrupt the flow of my day. > > Here’s one they just made up: ‘near miss.’ When two planes
almost collide, they call it a ‘near miss.’ It’s a near hit! A collision is a near miss! (Crunch)
“Look, they nearly missed.” Yes, but not quite! > > They might tell you your flight has been delayed because of
a ‘change of equipment.’ Broken plane. > > They tell me to put my seat back forward. Well I don’t bend that
way! If I could put my seat back forward I’d be in porno movies! > > Then they mention ‘carry-on luggage.’
The first time I heard ‘carry-on’ I thought they were going to bring a dead deer on board. I thought,
"what the hell do they need with that, don’t they have the little TV dinners anymore?” Then I thought,
“carry-on, carry-on, there’s going to be a party, people are going to be carrying on on the plane!” > >
Well, I don’t care for that, I like a serious attitude on the plane, especially on the ‘flight deck’.
Which is the latest euphamism for ‘cockpit!’ Can’t imagine why they wouldn’t want to use a lovely
word like ‘cockpit,’ can you? Especially with all those stewardess going in and out of it all the time! > >
There’s one, there’s a word that’s changed: ‘stewardess,’ first it was ‘hostess,’ then ‘stewardess,’
now it’s ‘flight attendant.’ Know what I call ‘em? ‘The lady on the plane.’ Sometimes it’s a man on
the plane, now, that’s good, equality, I’m all in favor of that. Sometimes, they actually refer to these people
as ‘uniformed crewmembers.’ ‘Uniformed,’ as opposed to that guy sitting next to you in the Grateful Dead t-shirt and
the ‘Fuck You’ hat — who’s working on his ninth little bottle of Kaluha, I might add! > >
As soon as they close the door to the aircraft, that’s when they begin the Safety Lecture. I love the Safety Lecture.
This is my favorite part of the airplane ride. I listen very carefully to the Safety Lecture, especially that part where
they teach us how to use: the seatbelts. > > Imagine this, here we are, a plane full of grown human beings, many of
us partially educated, and they’re actually taking time out to describe the intricate workings of a belt buckle!
“Place the small metal flap into the buckle.” Well, I ask for clarification at that point! “Over here, please, over here,
yes, thank you very much. Did I hear you correctly? Did you say, ‘place the small metal flap into the buckle,’ or,
‘place the buckle over and around the small metal flap?’ I’m a simple man, I do not posses an engineering degree,
nor am I mechanically inclined. Sorry to have taken up so much of your time, please continue with the wonderful Safety Lecture.” > >
Seatbelt. High-tech shit! > > The Safety Lecture continues. The next thing they do, they tell you to
locate your nearest Emergency Exit. I do this immediately. I locate my nearest Emergency Exit, and
then I plan my route. You have to plan your route, it’s not always a straight line, is it? Sometimes
there’s a really big fat fuck sitting right in front of you. Well, you know you’ll never get over him. > >
I look around for women and children, midgets and dwarves, cripples, war widows, paralyzed veterans,
people with broken legs, anyone who looks like they can’t move too well — the emotionally disturbed
come in very handy at a time like this. You might have to go out of your way to find these people,
but you’ll get out of the plane a lot goddamn quicker, believe me. > > I say, “Let’s see. I’ll go around
the fat fuck, step on the widow’s head, push those children out of the way, knock down the paralyzed midget,
and get out of the plane where I can help others.” I can be of no help to anyone if I’m lying unconscious
in the aisle with some big cocksucker standing on my head. I must get out of the plane, go to a nearby
farmhouse, have a Dr. Pepper, and call the police. > >



The Safety Lecture continues. “In the unlikely event….” This is a very suspect phrase. Especially coming,
as it does, from an industry that is willing to lie about arrival and departure times. “In the unlikely event of
a sudden change in cabin pressure —” Roof flies off! “— an oxygen mask will drop down in front of you.
Place the mask over your face and breathe normally.” > > Well, I have no problem with that. I always
breathe normally when I’m in a six-hundred mile an hour uncontrolled vertical dive. I also shit normally —
right in my pants! > > They tell you to adjust your oxygen mask before helping your child with his. I did not
need to be told that. In fact, I’m probably going to be too busy screaming to help him at all! This will be a
good time for him to learn self-reliance! If he can program his fucking VCR, he can goddamn jolly well learn to
adjust an oxygen mask! Fairly simple thing, just a little rubber band around the back is all it is. Not nearly as
complicated as, say, for instance, a seatbelt. > > The Safety Lecture continues. “In the unlikely event of a
water landing….” Well what exactly is a ‘water landing?’ Am I mistaken, or does this sound somewhat similar
to crashing into the ocean? “Your seat cushion can be used as a floatation device.” Well, imagine that. My seat
cushion! Just what I need — to float around the North Atlantic for several days clinging to a pillow full of beer farts! > >
The flight continues, a little later on toward the end, we hear, “The Captain has turned on the ‘Fasten Seatbelt’ sign.”
Well who gives a shit who turned it on? What does that have to do with anything? It’s on, isn’t it? And who made this
man a ‘Captain,’ might I ask? Did I sleep through some sort of an armed forces swearing-in ceremony or something?
‘Captain,’ he’s a fucking pilot, and let him be happy with that! If those sight-seeing announcements are any
mark of his intellect, he’s lucky to be working at all! “Tell the ‘Captain,’ Air Marshall Carlin says, ‘Go fuck
yourself!’” > > The next sentence I hear is full of things that piss me off. “Before leaving the aircraft,
please check around your immediate seating area for any personal belongings you might have brought on board.” > >
Well. Let’s start with ‘immediate seating area.’ Seat! It’s a goddamned seat! “Check around your seat!” > >
“…for any personal belongings….” Well what other kinds of belongings are there besides personal? Public belongings?
Do these people honestly think I might be traveling with a fountain I stole from the park? > >
“…you might have brought on board.” Well, I might have brought my arrowhead collection. I didn’t, so I’m not
going to look for it! I’m going to look for things I brought on board! It would seem to enhance the likelihood of my
finding something, wouldn’t you say? > > Tell me to return my seat back and tray table to their original upright
positions? Fine, who’s going to return this guy in the Grateful Dead t-shirt and the ‘Fuck You’ hat to his original
upright position? > > About this time, they tell you you’ll be landing shortly. That sound to anybody like we’re
gonna miss the runway? ‘Final approach’ is not very promising either, is it? ‘Final’ is not a good word to be
using on an airplane. Sometimes the pilot will get on, he’ll say, “we’ll be on the ground in fifteen minutes.”
Well, that’s a little vague, isn’t it? > > Now we’re taxiing in, she says, “Welcome to O’Hare International Airport.”
Well how can someone who is just arriving herself possibly welcome me to a place she isn’t even at yet? Doesn’t this
violate some fundamental law of physics? We’re only on the ground four seconds, and she’s coming on like
the fucking mayor’s wife! > > “…where the local time….” Well of course it’s the local time, what did you
think we were expecting, the time in Pango-Pango? > > “…enjoy your stay in Chicago, or whever your final
destination might be.” All destinations are final. That’s what it means, destiny, final. If you haven’t gotten
where you’re going, you aren’t there yet! > > “The Captain has asked….” More shit from the bogus ‘Captain.’
You know, for someone who’s supposed to be flying an airplane, he’s taking a mighty big interest in what
I’m doing back here. “…that you remain seated until he has brought the aircraft to a complete stop.”
Not a partial stop — ‘cause during a partial stop, I partially get up. > > “Continue to observe the ‘No Smoking’
sign until well inside the terminal.” It’s physically impossible to observe the ‘No Smoking’ sign even if
you’re standing just outside the door of the airplane! Much less well inside the terminal! You can’t even see
the fucking planes from well inside the terminal! > > Which brings me to ‘terminal.’ Another unfortunate word
to be used in association with air travel. And they use it all over the airport, don’t they? Somehow, I just
can’t get hungry at a place called the ‘Terminal Snack Bar.’ But if you’ve ever eaten there, you know
t is an appropriate name.
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